Embracing sovereignty
This space has become a place where I muse on what God is teaching me. If it seems as though I repeat myself (as suggested by our editor!), it is because I am a slow learner. I do hear kind words from some of you that what has been written encourages you, and that is my prayer. Even if I am not learning the lessons that God is trying to teach me, perhaps some of you are!
This is a difficult time of year for me. It happens as the seasons change. When chilly days come, the coldness seems to go deep into my bones and I feel deprived of energizing warmth. My normally cozily cluttered house morphs into a unbearably cluttered house as I have dragged all the winter clothes bins from the attic crowding the floorspace, and mocking me with the realization that my current schedule will not allow me to organize them all immediately. My empathetic husband attempts to help and suggests that the bins actually hide the piles behind them, but that does not work for me. I am in that transition period which sets me on edge emotionally. A good solution would be for me to cancel all schooling, check into a hotel for a week and hire someone to clean my house — just to spare my poor family my unreasonable temperament. Alas, that is not a viable option. However I do plan to do whatever it takes this next week and clear my schedule as much as possible to organize and de-clutter in preparation for the next few cold months when we cluster together as a family more than usual, making our living spaces seem even smaller.
Compounding the problem is the fact that our main CSTHEA computer has been in the shop for over a week, and we have not been able to access CSTHEA mail for over two weeks. If we get it back in the next day or two, we will have to put the Esprit together in about four days, when usually we distribute the task over a couple of weeks! My hard-working husband is up for this challenge, but I just see this as more stress. Please forgive us if this issue is later than ususal, if we have ignored e-mails or if we have left some items out.
That said, I know that God is in control of all circumstances, even our technology failures. The saying “Lord willing and if the creek don’t rise” has a whole new meaning for me. Last month I was caught in some floodwaters, could not leave a parking lot which was surrounded by a raging creek and had to literally wade over a walking bridge through the 6 inches of water to get out, leaving a car behind on high ground. It was a vivid reminder to me of how man may plan his day, but the Lord directs our steps.
While I am in this seasonal funk, the everyday challenges seem even more insurmountable. Lately I have been thinking how even though it may be easy to mentally accept the difficulties that come our way, it is quite another thing to embrace these circumstances as coming from the Father who loves us and designed those very situations to make us more like Christ. The trials we see in our life are not just to be borne and endured. Rather we are to recognize them as a gift, personally designed to work in us the character and spirit of Christ Jesus.
If I have a difficult relationship with someone I love, it is easy to think this is not what I expected. This is not what I hoped for. This is not what I dreamed about. We can get stuck just grieving over our disappointments, thinking we are having a righteous response in that we are accepting our “cross to bear.” But this is not going anywhere near far enough. It is not just that we must come to peace with our lives, our marriages, and our children when we are disappointed, but we must somehow embrace the difference between what we had expectations for and what is. Not seeing these circumstances rightly will lead to constant efforts to change people around us, often communicating our disapproval and disappointment. If, on the other hand, we can somehow with God’s grace recognize that we can respond with that “in spite of” kind of love, that unconditional love that we are loved with by God, then we will embrace with joy those very same difficulties and disappointments.
Of course, this is not natural, in fact, it goes against the grain. The cynic in me says that this kind of loving response in the face of disappointment is not even possible. Yet I see glimpses of what God can do when we deny ourselves and cry out to Him. He delights in doing the impossible. He longs to show Himself strong where we are weak. He promises to lift up the faint hearted. Let us look to Him and recognize His sufficiency, His grace and His sovereignty.
♦We are so glad to be able to offer you the articles of Cindy Rollins. This month she writes about boys. I got to know Cindy back when I started homeschooling. Although she lived up north, we were on the same Charlotte Mason list and I profited often from Cindy’s insights. Then we met through a mutual local friend when Cindy moved to Alabama. I hoped for years that the Rollinses would move to Chattanooga and last year they did. I have followed Cindy’s blog for years. Her book reviews and comments on family life are always helpful. We hope to offer more of Cindy’s work in future issues.
— Jeannette M. Tulis