Teaching your older boys
By Cindy Rollins
I have been asked if there are ever circumstances where a boy might flourish in a school environment rather than at home with his mother, acknowledging that not everyone has that option.
I did not have that option and I always consoled myself by remembering that most boys in schools are taught by somebody else’s mother.
What are some of the obstacles a mother faces while homeschooling older boys?
After talking to a friend it occurred to me that these problems might not be exclusive to boys, only most of my experience is exclusive to boys so I will address that.
Two Scenarios
When boys enter 9th grade they are often immature. They still don’t care about much but as they begin to mature in 10th grade, I have found, they either become increasingly concerned that they are going to look stupid when they get out into the world, a bit self-conscious about being judged as a homeschooler, and as a consequence willing to go through almost any hoop you put them through in order to succeed, or they begin to think that the other kids they know have it a lot easier than they do and that public school is a piece of cake and that their mother’s expectations are completely ridiculous. All of my older boys so far (6 of them) have fallen loosely into one of these two categories in 11th and 12th grades. Other families are probably not quite so extreme. We tend to run hot or cold around here.
Solution for Scenario 1
The first scenario while not exactly a mature attitude is very easy to deal with. Lay it on thick, mom.
Solution for Scenario 2
The second scenario is much more difficult. As a matter of fact, the ideal at this point would be to get the child under other academic authorities. Mom should try to remove herself from the equation either through some sort of school, outside courses, online courses, dual enrollment, etc. Our options for this are growing exponentially in this age of the Internet.
As I have mentioned, I have not been able to remove myself from the equation which has added stress to my life. Insert Big Smiley Face. But in spite of the smiley face homeschooling a resistant son can be hard on mom. I suppose I might have lived to 100 if I had not had so many boys now I will be lucky to hit 60.
If you find yourself in that situation, with an uncooperative child, you are going to have to, as a last resort, pray.
Hope for the Future
After you have prayed you are just going to have to do the best you can. You are going to have to choose your battles wisely, you are going to have to communicate the ideas of self-government and you are going to have to be brave and let your child fail. And while you are doing all that, may I suggest that you try not to take the situation too personally.
Taking things too personally is a fatal flaw of any parent/child relationship. It causes you to lash out and misinterpret what is really going on. It causes you to overreact. This is especially lethal in parenting boys. A boy will naturally be confused and repelled by this sort of emotion. It will make him feel manipulated, especially if he is a very nice boy and ultimately wanting to please you. You see, a boy can be very nice and resistant at the same time.
It is most likely a situation that could not have been avoided due to the temperament of the boy and his reaction to your personality and expectations. If you can navigate through it prayerfully you can still go on in future years to have good relationships with your stubborn sons and they may still have tenderness and love for their stubborn mother too.
But perhaps you are thinking about all those boys in the homeschooling catalog that seem willing to sit at their parent’s feet until they are at least 30. I am sorry to say that you cannot order boys from a catalog.
You are stuck with the real kind that came filled with testosterone straight from the factory. The only way to deal with a real boy is to speak to the manufacturer about him on a regular basis, not expect him to act like a girl, make sure he is not on the computer too much and get him in the fresh air and sunshine.
May I suggest baseball?
Cindy Rollins is a homeschool mom of 9 children who lives in Hixson and blogs at dominionfamily.blogspot.com. Email Cindy at dominionfamily@gmail.com